The other day I was on my mobile.
While walking in the streets, I was talking to my friend.
I started slurring. There was also a big gap in my thought process. I would begin a sentence but midway would forget what I was going to say next to complete it. I think English Grammarians would understand it better. It was like I would begin with the subject but midway would forget the predicate I was going to link it up with.
Between the two, I would be in a thoughtless state.
My heart would go into longer pauses between beats.
If you are not aware, our heart beats rhythmically i.e. dub, dub, dub dub without a stop. In my case, it was skipping a beat or two. After beating dub, dub, dub for sometime, it would take a break for a longer stop than usual between beats . Then it would continue go dub,dub, dub again. Then take a break again. Dub, dub, dub…….dub, dub, dub, dub……….dub.
Whenever the long break occurred between heart beats, I was in a thoughtless state. I did not remember the subject or the predicate i.e. the first part of the sentence or the last .
I apologised to my friend and hung up. I forgot to tell him that what no girl had been able to do my heart had started to doing i.e. skipping its beats. It misses beats now and then of its own accord. My doctors had told me that during my last medical check up.
Maybe, it is time for me to start singing a song, the one popularised by a Greek singer, Demis Roussos. It is his “Goodbye my love, goodbye”. I want to sing it to my friends. I have had a few but nobody has ever antoganised me enough to call them my enemies. So everybody is my friend. As long as they remember me, I will never be too far from them.
After I returned home from the walk, I wondered if people were not over hyping the state of thoughtlessness. They say that in a state of thoughtlessness, one is not only blissful and at peace but also full of energy. I did not experience anything like that when my heart stopped beating. When it started beating again, the thoughts would come back. So it is not the thought but the heart beat that is the problem. As long as your heart is beating, you will have thoughts.
I discovered also that there was something that was observing everything. It was in a detached state observing everything that was happening to me. It was not fearful, not panicky not even worried. It was just aware of what was happening. It was indifferent to whatever was happening to me. Maybe, some of its indifference got passed on to me. I remained cool as a cucumber. I didn’t think the end was near or something like that. I just took the whole incident in my stride.
Yet, I do wonder, sometime, now, who was that or what was that? Was it God, Master or my higher self watching my lower self.
It was not the first it had happened to me. Earlier too, when I was living in Chennai Ashram something like this happened. I had a severe attack of vertigo.
When everything was spinning around me, I feared I would become unconscious. I observed a higher level of consciousness in me watching all that. While experiencing spinning, I would try to raise my consciousness to that level. I wanted to remain sane.
I thought if evolved souls are able to transcend their consciousness? If one is able to do that, one would be able to escape the pain or torture like conditions. Chariji was able to do it during for a year or two before departing for the ‘Brighter World’. I take my hat off to Him.